Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
