I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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