Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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