Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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