I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
