y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
