I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
