you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
