Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
