hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
