you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
