We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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