think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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