we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
