Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
