There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
