Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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