cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
