my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
