Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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