He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
