GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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