I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
