i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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