The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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