im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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