dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
