apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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