I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
