It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
3pm strippers are depressing
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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