i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
