I heard we made out
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
