i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
