At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
