Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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