I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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