no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
