I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
