would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
