But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
