did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
