Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
