So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
