I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
