I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
