it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
