You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
