but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
