she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
