Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
