I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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