I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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