I accidentally had phone sex last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
