Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
