I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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