I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
