she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
